The Coldest Winter Chill
by Wyndi
Summary: Hunter knows he needs to find a new travel buddy, but isn't quite able to let go of the past.


**Content:** Mature subject matter, implied m/m slash, language, angst.

**Character/s:** Triple H, Shawn Michaels.

**Disclaimer:** I own **NO ONE** depicted in these fics. I am not endorsed by any person, corporation, federation, promotion, etc., nor do I receive any monies for writing sick and twisted tales of their imagined goings-on. Inspired by "Heaven Beside You" by Alice in Chains. Lyrics, quotations, etc. used without permission. No infringement or disrespect to the various artisans is intended, so please don't sue me.

* * *

How much money would it take for someone to be willing to gouge my eyes out? Or stab me through the heart with something incredibly sharp? I really can't take much more of this 'buddy-buddy' road trip shit, though I know I've tried. Just because he's able to adjust to a whole different life doesn't mean I should have to change, too, right? This really will be the last night I share a fucking hotel room with him. It's too hard, too painful to remember the past and know that none of it's supposed to matter anymore. But it does.  
  
Irritating little shit.  
  
How the hell is he able to just let go of the past, what we were, what we did, and yet not give a second thought to rooming with me again? He's able to lie down next to me, wrap that proverbial God blanket around him, and fall right to sleep. He's oblivious to my own inner battle. Well, not totally oblivious, I guess. When he gets down on his knees at night (for an altogether less entertaining activity, I might add, though don't think the sight doesn't still make my head spin) and says his prayers (yes, he actually does this shit), he always makes sure to include me in his litany of sinners needing to be saved.  
  
Real considerate guy, that Shawn.  
  
All I can do is stay as far over on my side of the bed as possible and try not to smell him, feel his weight shift, feel him steal the covers like he always has. Why in the blue fuck did I say 'yes' one more time? I know I won't sleep at all tonight. I'll show up at the gym first thing in the morning looking like the fourth day of a three-day pass and endure all kinds of snickers and looks and speculation from the other guys. Then he'll show up, looking totally rested and at peace, asking me what time I woke up that morning. For that to be possible, I'd have actually had to **GO** to sleep, now, wouldn't I?  
  
Clueless fucking idiot.  
  
I can't even have a simple conversation with the guy anymore. We always end up talking in circles no matter how hard the other tries to make some kind of progress. And just for the record, it isn't always **MY** fault that we can't even communicate properly anymore. He's an annoying little fucker sometimes.  
  
"Shawn, I really don't think the two of us sleeping in the same room is a good idea." 

"Now, Hunter, I've given it a lot of thought, prayed about it a long time, and I really think this is what the Good Lord wants."

"Yeah, but what about what I want, Shawn? You ever stop to think of that?"

"Of course I have. You're my friend."

"I used to be **MORE** than just a friend."

"Yes, I know what we used to be. But those days are over. You know that."

"But I miss it, dammit! I miss what we had."

"I know you do. Believe me, I understand the kind of struggle you're going through. I had the same difficulties at first. But the Good Lord helped me through it. He helped me to see the error of my ways."

"I don't think what we did was wrong, though. That's the problem!"

"Oh, Hunter, how many times do we gotta have this conversation? You know as well as I do what the Good Lord has to say about that kinda lifestyle."

"Doesn't mean I gotta buy into it like you do."

"It's wrong. Plain and simple. It's an abomination in the eyes of the Lord."

"So says you."

"No, Hunter, so says the Holy Bible. It's the blueprint He's given us for our lives. If the Good Lord..."

"...is mentioned one more time, I will personally move you closer **TO** Him."  
  
That's usually the point where he shuts up and realizes he's fighting a losing battle, trying to convert me and shit. I wish I could be more broken up about hurting his poor, little feelings, poking fun at his faith and all, but if I'm gonna be 100% honest with myself, I gotta admit that baiting him is half the fun. If only he didn't react so dramatically to any and everything even remotely threatening.  
  
I can be such a bastard sometimes.  
  
But even this bastard is forced to reluctantly admit that he's still not strong enough to say 'no' to yet another request to room together, particularly when that request is made by a pair of the most perfect lips on the planet. And if I try to focus on something other than his delectable mouth, my gaze is helplessly drawn up to twin pools of blue, wide and unblinking. Pools that I'd gladly drown in forever if it only meant we could have one more night together the way things used to be.  
  
And once again, I find myself doing what I swore I wouldn't do as I accept his request. One more night of lying next to him, freezing my ass off because I don't dare snuggle closer to him. I'll pass the night hours trying not to stare at him as he lies there, because I can't help but despise him a little for changing. I get the strangest feeling I've got some sort of angel sleeping next to me. Just a little taste of Heaven in my bed.  
  
And if he's the angel, what does that make me?

* * *

**Heaven Beside You**

_By Alice in Chains_  
  
Be what you wanna be

See what you came to see

Been what you wanna be I don't like what I see

Like the coldest winter chill 

Heaven beside you... hell within

Like the coldest winter chill

Heaven beside you... hell within

Like the coldest winter will

Heaven beside you... hell within

And you think you have it still, heaven inside you

So there's problems in your life 

That's fucked up, and I'm not blind

I'm just see through faded, super jaded

And out of my mind

Do what you wanna do 

Go out and seek your truth

When I'm down and blue

Rather be me than you

Like the coldest winter chill 

Heaven beside you... hell within

Like the coldest winter chill

Heaven beside you... hell within

Like the coldest winter will

Heaven beside you... hell within

And you wish you had it still, heaven inside you

So there's problems in your life 

That's fucked up, and I'm not blind

I'm just see through faded, super jaded

And out of my mind

Like the coldest winter chill 

Heaven beside you... hell within

Like the coldest winter chill

Heaven beside you... hell within

Like the coldest winter will

Heaven beside you... hell within

And you know you have it still, heaven inside you  
  
So there's problems in your life

That's fucked up, but you're not blind

You're just see through faded, overrated

And out of your mind


End file.
